illuminating it just for a split second
and then its all gone
and the darkness decends and engulfs us all.
its the same with emotions
you feel this sudden jolt of happiness
and then it disperses just as quickly as it appears
in the blink of an eye
and all thats left is the emptiness and darkness.
in life you can only see that bright light once
and only one can allow you to experience that same sense of jubilation
but you can never hold on to that one
cos together with the happiness comes the deepest of pains
it felt like i was home again
that there back where i truely belonged.
and i guess deep down inside i knew
i was home.
Answer: you close your eyes. sometimes you have to believe in what you feel and not what you see. learn to believe in those around you. even when youre in the dark. even when you're falling.
some people should just really stop making assumptions
seriously, reality is not always a worse case scenerio.
life is never just about lies and deceit.
believe that what we say is ture.
because thats all there is to it.
drowned in a night of elegance and grace
of energy and spunk
of sharpness and liquidity.
despite the long ardous walk we had to make in insanely high heels thanks to a terrible thing called construction work which caused us to miss the first two dances i had a decidedly lovely time. even that crazy long walk we had to take to get to the tou huay shop wasn't all that terrible.
seeing everyone gathered around the table just made me realise how far we've come together.
from blue pinafores
to our white blouses and ties
little girls running amok in baggy shirts and shorts
to young ladies in jeans and heels
how much we all have grown
how far we've come.
as life throws new obstacles in our paths
and we all venture down different roads
its heartwarming to know that no matter what
and no matter how far
theres always here to return to.
i love you
bang bang he shot me down
bang bang i hit the ground
bang bang my baby shot me down
the lights of the fair ground are soft and inviting
the childish melodies heartwarming and carressing
approach the carousel
fun my fingers over the strudy wooden horses
admiring their brilliant colours
get up and grip tightly onto the reins as the music plays
and the horses gallop away to no where.
but now the chasing beams are jarring and glarring
piercing my eyes
the tune a broken record that ceases to fade
bent on torturing me with plantive cries
ceaseless revolutions later my insides have started churning
the paint on the horses seem dull and the wood chipped and falling apart
the leather is cutting into my fingers
my back and behind are sore and i just want to get off.
but yet they still peresevere on with a vengence
their metallic tools shattering the silence
a furious charge into my head
the incesscant hacking that just refuses to stop
the blasting speakers are mere pin drops that do nothing to block out the ferocious din.
its like watching your car about to crash into a tree
but you cant do anything about it
you try to shout but no words come out
silence
You wanna close your eyes
But instead you just keep starring straight ahead
Dreading the impact that is going to come
Its like walking through a thunderstorm without an umbrella
Open vulnerable raw
The heavy raindrops hitting down on your skin
Like shards of glass piercing through you
The wind blows
Pushing you back
The cold slices you to the bone
Your teeth chatter
The weight of your damp clothes weighing you down
Pressing in your shoulders till you’re bent over
But you know you have to keep walking
its like being doused in a bucket of icy cold water
The cold chill surging though every inch of your body
And suddenly you awaken to an empty room
The four walls starring blankly at you
And you realize that you are all alone
And everything just hits you
Right smack in the face
rain drowning everything in sight
thunder examplified my fury
ringing out above the cacaphony
i need to get away
war of the worlds with angelo today
cos silly me forgot to get i/c from mel and thus couldnt watch sin city
rahhs
how absolutely disappointing
but well movie was pretty good.
got me thinking about human beings
how when fighting for the survival of oneself and our love ones
we are willing to give up everything
go to any lengths
to protect
to survive.
put in that situation,
i'd much rather die.
i admit, i'm not much of a fighter.
till selfish love increase
than cruelty knits a snare
and spreads his bait with care
-W. blake
was lamenting with edith dearest how at this crucial period in our lives my brain has decided to bid me goodbye...go on a vacation and never return.
i seem to have lost all my reasoning ability and the power to articulate and express my emotions properly in words.
sentances come in staccatos that dont link-
disjointed images on a screen.
i even have problems coordinating motions
as thesister and mel will proudly vouch for
its called a phsyco-motto problem
and did i mention i cant remember dance sequences?
chiding a particular somebody a few days ago for not putting his brain to good use
for letting it slip
and slowly disintegrate
and that one cant expect the brain to function properly after having laid dormant for so long
am i now guilty of that too?
and jealousy a human face;
Terror the human form divine,
and secrecy the human dress.
--W. blake
there have been many mornings
increasing in number
when i wake up
and just feel this inertia to move
to want to just do nothing
except just lie there
atop cotten sheets and waste my life away
or even simly just melt into the leather of the sofa
and become one with it
does this mean that i am seriously turning into a bum?
its scary
schools begining.
its high time to get the brain working.
uploaded the pictures from my trips
wasted the day away again
woke up insanely late
when the sun was already hanging high in the middle of the sky
idled
crashed the condo next door
attempted to swim..
failed miserably and ended up lying on the deck chair instead
which is where i belong
and not in the water.
unfortunately, no sun.
GAHH
you already have all your preconcieved notions
so whats the point in trying
you dont seem in the least willing to give me a chance.
i'm really hoping that it was an honest genuine mistake on your part.
a few pounds heavier
(attributed to shopping bags
but largely loads of fat from over-eating)
and my bank account infintely emptier
away from polluted air
uneven roads
blasting horns
dinghy buildings
littered pavements
crowded streets
alien language
but
i miss her
my little bundle of joy
miss her smile that would melt even the coldest heart of stone
her gurgling
and shrieking
her still indistinguishable words
(though i SWEAR she said jie)
and constant bounding
jumping up and down on my lap
how sweet and lovely
the perfect picture of an angel
especially when she sleeps...
rahh..
hoping to shop my backside off
bring back nothing short of a lovely haul
it weighs a ton
ceaseless pounding on the door that just refuses to budge
i think i might just topple over
soon
not soon enough though
i cant say that i've done the best job packing up the past
but everythings there
stuffed into this huge box thats threatening to spill over
i've tried picking up the pieces
getting cut in the process
letting time heal the wounds
which have without doubt left countless scars
that i will by and by learn to live with
and come to terms with
its a chapter of my life that i want to close
enough said
theres nothing more i want to know
it just hurts
spent the day babysitting
swinging from decidedly amused and entertained
to exasperated and annoyed
to just experiencing pangs of longing
its like stepping back into a world that has been so delicately shut out
trapped between the familiar and the foreign
triggering countless memories
coming to terms with and acquainting myself with the new
but i guess everythings pretty much the same
its just that the feelings and circumstances are different
does that mean i've changed?
but either way,
i enjoyed them nonetheless
as always.
my baby's broken
and i'm sad
a resounding impact
the glass shatters into countless pieces
flying across the room lying strewn across the floor.
i lurch for you
clamp my hand over your mouth
shove you against the wall
and let my gaze bore holes into your eyes
my own blazing with rage and fury
that of cos was only in my head
the scene that was replaying as i tried in vain to sing stupid songs repeatedly in my mind.
in reality
i sat there in silence
picking at my nails
scratching at my ankles
uneasy laughter
nodding my head like some stupid china doll
then
i hated me
for allowing myself to be put in such a situation
you dont know me
and if you keep this up
you NEVER will
"and add my regrets to the tears in the rain
for that's what the color of roses contain."
There's a warmth in my heart
It haunts me when you're gone
Mend me to your side
And never let go
in the dimly lit room
sipping sour lemon tea
munching on crunchy tapocia chips
being careful to keep our voices down
gently serenaded by CHINESE songs
*the sound of breaks screeching...and class shattering*
yes.
thanks to my dearest edith and tracy i found myself in this music cafe place, listening to chinese songs which i could barely make sense of
actually...i couldnt.
but what i do know was that at least those who sang had nice voices.
haha
interesting cultural experience
but i think my friends were exasperated with my constant need for a translation.
hahah..
but it was lovely being together again
my brain cant recall the last time the 3 of us were out together
but ironically enough
it does remember..that the first the that we were out,
was also at marina..
so it seems that we have come full circle again
right back to the start.
life has a funny way of doing that to you
you go on this wild goose chase
travasing all over the place
searching high and low
veering of course
going wayward
but somehow
you always return again...
right back to the start.
but oh well..its immensely heartwarmming to know
that no matter how far the distance
no matter how long the silence
some friendships never die.
and you know that those are the ones you keep for life.